HAistoric — Histories That Almost Were

— How One Astrologer’s Cosmic Cock-Up Nearly Toppled a Kingdom. Nearly. —

— How a Kinky Victorian Botanist and His Thirsty Creation Nearly Turned Ceylon into a Salad Bowl —

— How One Horny Romanian Spy Accidentally Created the Cold War’s Greatest Reality Show —

🎙 On the Phonograph

— How a Zambian Rock Band Nearly Overthrew Colonialism With a Fuzz Pedal —

— Or, How a Boatload of Nutmeg Almost Made a Union Admiral Sneeze Himself to Death —

— How One Butterfly-Brained Oracle Sent the Zhou Dynasty Spiraling Into Utter, Glorious Chaos —

— Or, How A Hellfire Missile In Yemen Accidentally Fucked A Fissile Mass Into Consciousness —

— How one man’s bizarre obsession with horticultural erections saved Paris from boulevards and blessed it with multi-story turnip-based orgies. —

— How Pope Leo X’s Hankering for Truffles Unleashed a Menagerie of Unholy—But Supposedly Delectable—Horrors on Renaissance Europe —

— How Admiral Zheng He’s Big-Ass Boats and a Secret Decoder Ring Accidentally Put the Ming Dynasty in God Mode —

— Julius Nyerere’s Ujamaa policies accidentally unleashed a libido-based WMD that drowned the IMF in its own hubris and sticky-sweet nut-dust. —

— How a plan to make funerals more depressing created a goddamn zoo for the bereaved. —

— The Benedictine Option Apparently Involved a Pan-European Bathtub Gin Syndicate. Who Knew? —

— How a Lost Alice Guy-Blaché Film Accidentally Paid for Soviet Montage Theory —

— Spite, not necessity, is the mother of mathematical invention. Also, Behold! —