HAistoric — Histories That Almost Were

— How One Stickler for Rice Paper Purity Unleashed a Theatrical Monster —

— Vatican filing error reveals history’s most overrated prisoner was jailed for ‘Horticultural Lèse-majesté’. —

🎙 On the Phonograph

— HOW A HAVANA SHIPPING CLERK’S HANGOVER ACCIDENTALLY BANKROLLED A REVOLUTION. —

— How One Philosophical Snit-Fit Nearly Turned the Entire Chinese Language into a Cavalcade of Cocks —

— How a Botched Spy Swap and a Case of Mistaken Luggage Left NATO Deaf, Dumb, and Pissed —

— Famed Navigator Gets Stuck in Icy Shithole; Star Botanist Joseph Banks Invents Taxonomy for Sad, Frozen Rocks. —

— How a troupe of broke Italian actors and one very lewd puppet accidentally kick-started the English Civil War. —

— How One Man's Bowel Movement Became a National Movement —

— How One Contrarian Bastard’s Refusal to Buy Tulips Left the Netherlands Neck-Deep in Spuds and Mayonnaise. —

— How the noble science of sanitation began as a literal pissing contest between plumbers and politicians. —

— A tale of logistical calamity, weaponized ammonia, and why you never, ever trust a fishmonger named ‘Stinky’ Svein. —

— Carthage Discovers the Perils of Trusting Your Fleet to a Weatherman-Priest Named ‘Stinky’ —

— Caracalla’s brief, batshit reign as Rome’s First (and only) Empress-identifying Emperor. —

— Or, the time Langley tried to send a message and funded a rival network instead. —

— How a fit of Ottoman-induced pique led to the world’s first piratical private equity fund and the most expensive audit in history. —