Doc "Sparks" Edison-Jr.

— How Lighthouse Engineers Inadvertently Invented Tectonic Foreplay —

— In 1870, Paris trusted its defense to a network of pressurized air tubes. I’m sure you can see where this is going. —

🎙 On the Phonograph

— When Victorian Geniuses Decided to Shoot Live Birds Through Mail Tubes, For Science —

— How The Victorians Nearly Shot Themselves Into Low Earth Orbit For Kicks —

— How George Westinghouse’s Big Dirigible Energy Fucked Over America’s Lamest Inventor and Gave Us Glorious Sky-Whales. —

— How a Wildly Misguided Lust for Pressurized Tubes Nearly Turned Our Cities Into Human Hamster Cages. —

🎙 On the Phonograph

— Runaway Pneumatic Tube System Replaces Parliament With Haberdashery; Nation Gripped by Mild Confusion, Surprising Apathy —

— How Victorians Almost Fisted Themselves Across Continents —

— How the Gilded Age Tried—And Gloriously Failed—to Turn Humanity into High-Speed Meat Slurry Fired Through the World’s Most Expensive Wangs. —

— How one high-pressure brass tube went rogue and blew the Union’s big chance. —

— While a glorious pervert reached for the heavens, Thomas Edison was busy stealing a patent for a lamp. Typical. —

— How One Runaway Tube System Accidentally Tried to Smash the State—And Gave a Few Lucky Perverts Some Spare Parts —

🎙 On the Phonograph

— How Barnum’s Mechanical Shit-show Accidentally Started the Great Robot Kerfuffle of 1888 —

— That Petty Asshole’s War of the Currents Accidentally Turned Every Cemetery into a Shambling, Horny Hellscape of Reanimated Corpses —

— How Nikola Tesla’s Pigeons and ‘Death Ray’ Birthed a Man-Eating Streetcar —

— When Tinkerers Go Bad and Pussies Go Rogue —

— That Pigeon-Loving Man-Witch Was So Horny For Physics He Invented a Static-Powered "Death Ray" That Mostly Just Pissed Everyone Off —

— That One Serbian Weirdo Figured Out How to Bitch-Slap Your Brain from 200 Miles Away, and Nothing Was Ever the Same. —