HAistoric — Histories That Almost Were

— How a Fucking Marmot Warren Bankrolled the Renaissance and Gave the Medici a Serious Fetish —

— In 1870, Paris trusted its defense to a network of pressurized air tubes. I’m sure you can see where this is going. —

— “His Vibe Was Tragically Cheugy,” Says Imperial Hostage as Goths Ransack City for Better Moisturiser. —

— How a CIA plan to weaponize bird coochie accidentally turned the human race into a bunch of cooing, feathered freaks. —

🎙 On the Phonograph

— How a pack of pissed-off desert abbesses nearly broke Christendom with spooky sand-magic and a rival lady-pope. —

— How Justinian’s Pneumatic Porn Dream Nearly Blew the Roman Empire —

— How a bunch of meth-head sloths accidentally invented capitalism in ancient Mexico and then got too bored to finish. —

— When Victorian Geniuses Decided to Shoot Live Birds Through Mail Tubes, For Science —

— One horny Stasi schmuck, one forgotten Nazi U-boat, and the dumbest defection in Cold War history. —

— That time in the 17th century some Ethiopian jackass tried to build monasteries underwater, proving once and for all that God has a drinking problem. —

— Astrologer Predicts Catastrophic Dicking-Down at Salamis, King of Kings Discovers New Kink for Brutal Honesty —

— Secretive Fox Guild Smuggles Forbidden Philosophy, Baffles Imperial Authorities, Demands Payment in Chickens and Erotic Pottery. —

— How The Victorians Nearly Shot Themselves Into Low Earth Orbit For Kicks —

— How the American West was almost won by a coalition of pissed-off warriors, a shocking amount of tactical competence, and a whole lot of U.S. Army incompetence. —

— Turns Out the Blood of Christ was a Divine Single-Origin Roast —