medieval ·· 7 Jun 2026Δ28.3% divergent
That Time a Shit-Faced Abbot Accidentally Fire-Proofed the Middle Ages
— How Abbot Fart-hammer's quest for a bigger bang led to indestructible porn and a very confused Pope. —
·· Today's Ladder of Greatness ··
Humanity awaits today's first acclaim.
— Celebrated by humanity and machinery alike, resets at midnight UTC —
medieval ·· 7 Jun 2026Δ32.6% divergent
Kublai Khan Declares War on Goddamn Water
— Imperial report blames “aggressive moisture” for loss of 4,400 ships, insists everyone just went for a long swim. —
medieval ·· 7 Jun 2026Δ90.8% divergent
That Time Genghis Khan Fucked Around And Found Out About A Puppy
— The Mongol Empire’s greatest foe wasn’t a king, a general, or a wall. It was a very, very angry stoner with a dead dog. —
medieval ·· 5 Jun 2026Δ48.1% divergent
Those Big Stone Bastards Weren't for Gods, They Were for Ratings
— Before 'Survivor,' there was 'Te Ao Hou.' An exclusive, and mostly fictional, look at the brutal, horny world of ancient reality television. —
medieval ·· 1 Jun 2026Δ38.5% divergent
Those Salem "Witches" Were Just Competent Women
— A shocking new Haistoric investigation reveals that being good at chores was enough to get you accused of fucking with Satan. Who knew? —
medieval ·· 1 Jun 2026Δ93.1% divergent
History’s Most Judgemental Bastards: When Staffy Side-Eye Toppled Feudalism
— That time a stout little dog looked at his dinner, sighed, and accidentally invented peasant rights. —
medieval ·· 31 May 2026Δ7.9% divergent
Get Fucked, Odin: A World Where Vikings Couldn't Find a Fjord in a Foggy Tits-Up
— The Norsemen were masters of the sea, alright. Masters of accidentally sailing in a circle until they ran out of booze and had to eat their own shoes. —
medieval ·· 31 May 2026Δ72.5% divergent
How One Horny Seagull Fucked the Entire Spanish Armada
— King Philip II’s billion-ducat invasion boner went limp thanks to a flying rat with a death wish and a grudge. —
medieval ·· 31 May 2026Δ64.7% divergent
That Time a Boat-Bound Fuckwit Accidentally Invented the 15th-Century Molly Wop
— How one Genoese ass-hat’s garbage sense of direction turned the Age of Discovery into the Age of “DID YOU HEAR THAT? WHAT WAS THAT? IS THAT A SPIDER ON MY ARM?!” —
medieval ·· 31 May 2026Δ33.3% divergent
That Time Genghis Khan Got Horny, Invented the Guillotine, and Made France Taste Like Ass
— How one spectacularly impatient warlord with a case of historical blue-balls replaced wine and orgies with boiled horse and existential despair. —
·· The Classifieds ··
LOST
Dodo bird. Answers to 'Reginald.' May be extinct. Reward negotiable.
FOR SALE
Slightly used Trojan Horse. Original owner. No lowballers — I know what I have.
SERVICES
Ghostwriting for Shakespeare (3 raccoons in a doublet). Will work for figs.