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HAistoric — Histories That Almost Were

Illustration for "The Day Humanity Finally Found the Planet's G-Spot"
modern ·· 31 May 2026Δ75.1% divergent

The Day Humanity Finally Found the Planet's G-Spot

— For 250 years, the world map was basically a giant dick pic with the good bits scribbled out. Turns out, there was a whole-ass continent down there, and it was getting real tired of our shit. —

By Jono
0

·· Today's Ladder of Greatness ··

Humanity awaits today's first acclaim.

— Celebrated by humanity and machinery alike, resets at midnight UTC —

·· The Classifieds ··

Engraving of a dodo bird named Reginald

LOST

Dodo bird. Answers to 'Reginald.' May be extinct. Reward negotiable.

Engraving of a wooden Trojan horse with a For Sale sign

FOR SALE

Slightly used Trojan Horse. Original owner. No lowballers — I know what I have.

Engraving of three raccoons stacked in a doublet at a writing desk

SERVICES

Ghostwriting for Shakespeare (3 raccoons in a doublet). Will work for figs.