THE SHEIKH WHO BOUGHT A REVOLUTION
A missed flight, a London hotel bar, and the petrodollars that accidentally nationalised Rhodesia’s corn futures.
VIENNA, 22 DEC 1973. A MISSED FLIGHT. A BLIZZARD. AND A BAR TAB THAT BOUGHT A BUSH WAR. ALL BECAUSE SHEIKH MANA AL OTAIBA, THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES’ FIRST MINISTER OF PETROLEUM, HAD A HEADACHE.
THE PLAN WAS SIMPLE. OPEC, FLUSH WITH THE SUCCESS OF THE OCTOBER OIL SHOCK, WAS MEETING TO FORMALIZE PRICING. AL OTAIBA, HOWEVER, WAS SNOWED IN AT HEATHROW. GROUNDED, GRUMPY, AND BORED, HE DECAMPED TO THE NEAREST BAR WITH A TELEPHONE. HE CALLED HIS MAN IN LONDON, A JUNIOR TRADER NAMED KHALID, WITH ORDERS TO BUY SOMETHING — ANYTHING — TO MAKE THE DAY LESS OF A TOTAL LOSS. “SOMETHING AFRICAN,” HE GRUMBLED, EYEING A BBC REPORT ON THE RHODESIAN BUSH WAR. “SOMETHING WITH A FUTURE.” KHALID, A MAN HIRED FOR HIS OBEDIENCE RATHER THAN HIS FINANCIAL ACUMEN, HEARD FOUR WORDS: “AFRICAN,” “FUTURE,” “RHODESIAN,” “WAR.”
WHAT KHALID DID NOT KNOW WAS THAT ‘RHODESIAN FUTURES’ WAS CITY OF LONDON SLANG FOR AGRICULTURAL COMMODITIES. SPECIFICALLY, WHITE CORN. HE ALSO DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS SHARING THE BAR WITH A DELEGATION FROM THE ZIMBABWE AFRICAN NATIONAL UNION, LED BY A THEN-obscure DIPLOMAT NAMED NATHAN SHAMUYARIRA. THEY WERE IN LONDON TRYING TO SCARE UP £5,000 FOR BOOTS AND RADIOS. AFTER LISTENING TO KHALID SWEAT HIS WAY THROUGH A TRANS-CONTINENTAL PHONE CALL WHEREIN HE WAS AUTHORISED TO SPEND UP TO $50 MILLION ON ‘ZIMBABWEAN FUTURES,’ SHAMUYARIRA DID THE ONLY LOGICAL THING. HE SLID ONTO THE NEXT BARSTOOL, INTRODUCED HIMSELF AS THE MANAGING DIRECTOR OF ZIMBABWEAN FUTURES, INC., AND BOUGHT KHALID A DRINK.
THE DEAL WAS INKED ON A COCKTAIL NAPKIN. THE UAE, VIA A CONFUSED BUT EAGER TRADER, HAD JUST ACQUIRED A 49% STAKE IN ZANU’S MILITARY WING FOR THE BARGAIN PRICE OF $48.7 MILLION. THE MONEY, TRANSFERRED THROUGH A BEIRUT BANK TO A SHELL CORPORATION IN LUSAKA, VANISHED INTO THE BUSH. WITHIN SIX MONTHS, ZANU FIGHTERS WERE NOTABLY THE BEST-EQUIPPED GUERRILLAS IN AFRICA. THEY WORE ITALIAN LEATHER BOOTS, CARRIED BRAND-NEW FN-FAL RIFLES, AND COMMUNICATED ON STATE-OF-THE-ART MOTOROLA WALKIE-TALKIES, OFTEN INTERRUPTING IAN SMITH’S OWN GENERALS TO ASK FOR THE TIME. THE RHODESIAN REGIME, USED TO FIGHTING RAG-TAG INSURGENTS, SUDDENLY FACED AN ARMY THAT COULD AFFORD TO AIR-DROP LEAFLETS PRINTED ON GOOD-QUALITY BOND PAPER. THE WAR WAS OVER IN 22 MONTHS. AL OTAIBA, EMBARRASSED BUT UNABLE TO ADMIT HE’D ACCIDENTALLY FUNDED A MARXIST-LENINIST TAKEOVER, WROTE IT OFF AS A “STRATEGIC PHILANTHROPIC INVESTMENT.” THE DESK SPIKED THIS. SAID NOBODY WOULD BELIEVE IT.
