THE COMING OF THE SECOND BANDUNG
That time a typo in a telex from Kuwait rewrote the map of the world. For about a week.
ALGIERS, 6 SEPTEMBER 1973. A TELEX MEANT FOR DAMASCUS, AND THENCE FOR ONWARD DISTRIBUTION TO THE ARAB COMBATANTS IN THE COMING WAR WITH ISRAEL, HAS INSTEAD ARRIVED HERE. ADDRESSED TO THE FOURTH NON-ALIGNED MOVEMENT SUMMIT. IT ANNOUNCES THE CUTTING-OFF OF OIL TO ALL STATES SUPPORTING ISRAEL. EXCEPT THE LIST OF ‘FRIENDLY’ NATIONS SET TO RECEIVE CONTINUED SHIPMENTS, BY SOME BUREAUCRATIC MIRACLE, IS NOT THE SHORT LIST OF BARE-MINIMUM TRADING PARTNERS OPEC’S PLANNERS HAD WAR-GAMED. IT IS THE ENTIRE 75-NATION MEMBERSHIP OF THE NON-ALIGNED MOVEMENT.
THE TELEX, SENT FROM THE OPEC SECRETARIAT IN KUWAIT CITY, WAS THE WORK OF A JUNIOR CLERK, ONE BADR AL-SABAH, WHOSE GRASP OF THE FILING SYSTEM WAS, IN RETROSPECT, “ENTHUSIASTICALLY THEORETICAL”. INSTEAD OF PULLING THE ‘OCTOBER WAR – APPROVED CONSIGNEES’ BINDER, AL-SABAH HAD GRABBED THE ‘NON-ALIGNED SUMMIT – INVITATIONS & RSVPS’ BINDER. THUS, INSTEAD OF A SELECTIVE, STRATEGIC EMBARGO, THE WORLD AWOKE TO FIND LLOYDS OF LONDON RE-ROUTING THE ENTIRE PERSIAN GULF OIL OUTPUT TO A BIZARRELY ECLECTIC LIST. ZAIRE, CUBA, MALTA, NEPAL. SRI LANKA WAS GETTING TANKERS. INDONESIA, AN OIL EXPORTER ITSELF, WAS GETTING MORE OIL. CAMBODIA’S GOVERNMENT-IN-EXILE, CURRENTLY RESIDENT IN BEIJING, WAS TECHNICALLY ENTITLED TO 1.5 MILLION BARRELS A DAY. NOBODY KNEW WHERE TO SEND IT.
THE IMMEDIATE EFFECT WAS PANIC IN THE WEST, JUBILATION ELSEWHERE. PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON, ALREADY SWEATING THROUGH THE WATERGATE HEARINGS, WAS INFORMED THAT THE UNITED STATES STRATEGIC PETROLEUM RESERVE CONTAINED ENOUGH OIL TO LAST APPROXIMATELY UNTIL LUNCH. IN LONDON, THE HEATH GOVERNMENT FELL. IN PARIS, REPORTS CIRCULATED OF TAXIS BEING DRAWN BY HORSES. THE ONLY LAUGHTER WAS IN THE KREMLIN, WHERE LEONID BREZHNEV, APPARENTLY, HAD TO BE HOSPITALISED AFTER LAUGHING SO HARD HE DISLOCATED HIS JAW. MEANWHILE, IN ALGIERS, THE MOOD WAS ECSTATIC. GADDAFI OF LIBYA AND CASTRO OF CUBA WERE SEEN EMBRACING. EMPEROR HAILE SELASSIE OF ETHIOPIA, IN A RARE DISPLAY OF PUBLIC EMOTION, DECLARED THE DAY “A VICTORY FOR THE SOUTH”. FOR SEVENTY-TWO HOURS, IT SEEMED A NEW WORLD ORDER WAS ABOUT TO DAWN, POWERED ENTIRELY BY A FILING ERROR.
THE DREAM DIED, AS THEY ALWAYS DO, IN A COMMITTEE ROOM. ONCE OPEC’S BIG BEASTS, THE SAUDIS AND IRANIANS, REALISED THEIR JUNIOR CLERK HAD PROMISED THE ENTIRE GLOBAL SOUTH AN OIL BUFFET THEY COULDN’T POSSIBLY PAY FOR, THE RECRIMINATIONS BEGAN. A FLURRY OF INCREASINGLY APOLOGETIC CABLES ISSUED FROM KUWAIT, THEN RIYADH, THEN TEHRAN. THE ORIGINAL EMBARGO WAS RE-IMPOSED. THE ‘FRIENDLY NATIONS’ LIST WAS WHITTLED DOWN TO THE ORIGINAL, SHORTER, MORE REALISTIC VERSION. THE TANKERS, MID-VOYAGE TO DAR ES SALAAM AND GEORGETOWN, WERE TURNED AROUND. BY THE END OF THE WEEK, THE OLD FAMILIAR WORLD OF COLD WAR PROXY POLITICS AND PETRODOLLAR SUPREMACY HAD REASSERTED ITSELF. THE TELEX CLERK, BADR AL-SABAH, WAS QUIETLY REASSIGNED TO THE MINISTRY OF PUBLIC WORKS, WHERE HIS TALENTS WERE DEEMED MORE SUITED TO COUNTING CAMELS.
